i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
