I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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