So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
