how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
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He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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