he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
