Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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