Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
