WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
