do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
