no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
