Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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