For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
worst night to have a conscience
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
