is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
