i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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