The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
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