tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
