Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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