If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i came on her dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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