So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
