singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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