I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
