just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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