I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
