I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
