This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
