people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
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How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
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I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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