What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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