My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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