remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
