Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
This gyro tastes like lonliness
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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