i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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