Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
