I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
