As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
