I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
