no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
