I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize