I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
