Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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