just tell him i said nine months
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
