take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
