I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
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So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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