I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
