I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
this boner is exhausting
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
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