You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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