Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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