It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
