If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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