we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize