I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
