oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I think people are normalizing furries
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
