the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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