make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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