im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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