she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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