Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
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