it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
