No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
