Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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