I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize