i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
