I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
