when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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