I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
